Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT
Paul wrote two letters to his friends in Corinth that have been saved for us, a church composed of people who were very diverse in every way and experienced much hardship. His letters to them had the same direction as every other New Testament letter – you need to connect with other believers for a healthy and satisfying life.
I have been a pastor and counselor for almost 50 years, and I find that so many people do not follow this wise directive. We are a lonely culture – we all intend to do better, but we get busy or scared and we don’t. Oh, we are with others, but we don’t truly connect. We don’t allow others to share our burdens, and we don’t share theirs, either. So often in counseling a wonderful person will haltingly tell me their pain and woundedness, their anxiety and fears, their trauma and abuse and will say, “I’ve never told anyone this before.” In that moment I get a massive dose of clarity about why they are where they are.
Life was never intended to be lived essentially alone. We were created by God – mind, body, and spirit – to deeply need others. It is hardwired deep within us. If you are to lead a non-anxious life, a life of health and fulfillment, you must choose to welcome people into your life and invest in their lives as well. Research shows 82% of people say they spend most of their time with people who don’t know them deeply. Most have no one they would feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night for an emergency (Ramsey Solutions Research). A young solo parent verified this with tears to me this week, “I have no village for my daughter and me.”
You must choose connection. And it is a choice. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “No one has chosen to connect with me.” This is YOUR life. It is your choice to live it lonely, disconnected, helpless, and anxious, or to choose something different. Choosing something different means choosing in your busy life to invest in real time face-to-face relationships with people – not on social media, not texting, not simply the phone. Not occasionally, but frequently enough and openly enough that you know about each other’s family, history, wants, desires, fears, and needs. You say, “Oh, that sounds so risky. What if …?” and then add the reasons/excuses that keep you imprisoned in a heart-lonely world. You must take the risk. Join a small group with people you don’t really know yet. Invite people over. Take the time to build a real friendship. It may start awkward and scary. You may hit a few bumps on the way to a connected life. But if you want a fulfilled, non-anxious life, you have to do it. And it will be worth it.
- Who can you call? Truly. Find a small group. If you already have one, invest. Deeply.